Werewolves in the Alleyway -- Zeke Jarvis

I tell myself that I've tried to be patient, and, in my defense, I've waited a full ten minutes before grabbing the remote. That's ten minutes of hearing howling, growling, and things getting knocked over in the alley while I'm just trying to unwind with some Stranger Things. The problem is that if I jack up the volume too much in the talking scenes, then as soon as the action scenes start, the neighbor on my left is going to start pounding on our shared wall. Never mind that there's two werewolves screwing in the alley behind our building, somehow my TV is the problem in his eyes. Or ears, I guess. 
      We all have to live with the werewolves when it's just a couple. If it was a pack of five or more then we could call the patrol, but with the cost of silver bullets and the volume of paperwork, they won't come out for just a pair of werewolves, even if the pair has been screwing loudly in a residential area. And the cops won't come because of jurisdiction issues. Though, I do wonder if I turned my TV up loud enough, if the cops would come on a noise complaint and then have to deal with the werewolves. If might be worth a noise citation to have the werewolves taken care of, but it would probably be unfair to the cops. And I don't trust my asshole neighbors to warn the cops about the werewolves when they call in a complaint. And that would be if they even call in a complaint instead of just banging on our shared wall louder and louder. 
      So instead of cranking the volume, I decide to pause Stranger Things for a while. Eleven's got a serious look on her face, but I don't think that shit's going to go down quite yet. I go to the window to see the werewolves. I'm on the third floor of the apartment building, so if they stopped screwing and tried to attack, I'd probably be safe. And I can get a pretty decent view of them, though I don't see a whole lot of the actual mechanics of werewolf sex, what with all the fur. That's probably just as well. One werewolf is kind of silvery and the other is brown. They're both kind of small. I wonder if they're teenagers and always horny in their human lives or if they're older and this is a rare chance to have sex. And if you get pregnant while you're a werewolf, are the rules different somehow? It seems unfair. I mean, if you're already a werewolf and then you find out that you're pregnant with some other werewolf's kid. That would suck. Would you know who the father was? 
      Watching them go at it is almost hypnotic. They bite each other, then there's some thrusting, then some clawing and so on. I don't notice how long I've been watching them until a loud "clang" startles me. The werewolves don't seem to notice, but there's some shouting. I look up at the building across the way. A few floors up on the fire escape, there's a group of boys. I see them just in time to watch one of them throw something into the alley. He misses the werewolves, but it must've been glass, because I hear it break. Then I hear more laughing and yelling. 
      I look back up at the boys. They're laughing and punching each other in the arms. Watching them, I can tell that what they threw the second time must've been an empty beer bottle. No wonder they're out messing with the werewolves. I wonder if I've ever passed any of these nimrods on the street. I can't recognize any of them from here. That's probably just as well. I won't have to think "You're one of those little jerks who kept throwing things at the werewolves" if I pass them on the street going forward. 
      So now Stranger Things is paused, and it's been paused for so long that my TV is showing images of different places around the world with little factoids about some of the places. My TV is a little too small for me to read the factoids from the couch let alone from all the way over by the window. And anyway, I'm too busy watching these little jerks while they watch the werewolves screw. One of them chugs the rest of his beer and tosses the bottle down on the werewolves. It's not like a baseball pitch, just a slow, soft toss. And it hits the werewolves. I'm not sure if it's to their credit or if it's to their detriment or whatever, but the werewolves turn to them and howl, but they also keep screwing. 
      Now the boys are cheering, though it's not totally clear to me if they're cheering for the boy whose bottle hit the werewolves or if they're cheering for the werewolves' decision to keep screwing. Either way, my guess is that things are not going to end well with this competition. Because now all the boys are going to be excited to see which one gets to throw something big enough to stop the werewolves. That contest can only end in two ways. The first would be that one of these dumb boys tries to throw something too heavy, and he falls off with it. At that point, all the other dumb boys will say things like "Dude," and "Holy shit," but they'll also run back inside, because they don't want to get in trouble. 
      The other possibility is that they do hit the werewolves hard enough for them to stop screwing. I wouldn't call that a "good" ending either. If the werewolves get annoyed enough to stop screwing, then they'll likely go berserk and attack someone. And if that happens, they'll likely break into a unit on the ground floor, and the boys who made them go berserk will be able to just laugh and run back into their places while the first-floor residents get mauled. So, I kind of want to yell up to those dumb boys, tell them that they're just going to make trouble. The problem is that they could look down, count windows, and figure out what apartment I'm in. And then what? I can tell that the boys are dumb, but are they dumb enough to be dangerous? I'd rather not find out. 
      Another boy throws something (it sounds more like a rock or a brick, than bottle), and it misses the werewolves by a lot. That prompts some boos and laughs from the other boys. The one who threw the thing pushes one of the other boys, and I half expect that this is going to be the moment where one of them does fall, and I'll have to call 911. Part of me wants to see the kid get mauled, but I don't think I could just watch. In the end, though, the boys don't push each other that much. It looks like they're trying to figure out how much beer they have left, and who gets what. They seem to still be involved in that debate when there are two loud, long howls from the alleyway. I look back down, and the two wolves are panting, the brown one still kind of behind and on top of the silver one. "Good for you," I say quietly. 
      I decide that I'll go back to Stranger Things. The werewolves are done, so they'll probably wander off into the night, and the boys will finish their beers either inside, or, if all of their parents are home, then on their building's rooftop, where they can drink in relative peace. I'm turning back to my TV when I hear one more loud howl, then some growling. I look back, and it's clear what happened. One of the boys was finally able to hit the werewolves while they weren't preoccupied. The boys are laughing, and the werewolves are growling and starting to work themselves into a frenzy. It looks like the brown one had been hit. The silver one is trotting around in a circle. It howls one more time, then runs to the door of my building. It scratches at it twice, then howls and runs off. My landlord may be terrible about keeping the heat on all winter, but he never forgets to put wolfsbane and mistletoe out every full moon. If it's to save his tenants or the doors, I'm not sure, but I'll take the protection either way. 
      The kids laugh and yell more. The brown werewolf looks up at them, and I hear them saying things like, "Oh shit," and "Fuck, dude!" 
      The boys scramble to pick up their beer and get back inside. I watch the werewolf climb up the outside of the fire escape, and as bad as it sounds, I'm not totally sure who to root for. One of the boys seems like he's having a breakdown. Instead of running inside, he's just sitting on the fire escape. I think he's crying, but I can't totally tell. One of the other boys is yelling at him to get up, but the others have already started to go back into the building. The werewolf is about three levels up when I hear a gun shot. The werewolf goes rigid, then falls back down to the ground. Someone on my side of the alley yells, "If you morons rile up werewolves again, then I swear to God's balls that I'll shoot you instead." I press my face right up against the window, but I can't see who yelled it. When I look back at the boys, I can see that the non-crying boy is dragging the crying boy inside, cursing at him the whole time. I can only imagine how much hell the crying boy is going to catch from his dumb buddies. I suppose that I should feel sorry for him, and I guess that I kind of do, though not so much because of the teasing he'll get. Now that the werewolf that got shot is dead, it's turned back into a person. The other werewolf is sniffing at it and whining. It paws at the dead body a little. Then it throws back its head and howls, long and loud. I feel worse for that werewolf than I do for the crying boy. I even feel worse for it than I do for the werewolf that got shot. 
      I close the blinds and go back to my couch. I don't really feel like watching Stranger Things anymore, but I can't stand the quiet. So, I put on Guardians of the Galaxy. It's light and funny and I've seen it enough times that I can kind of watch it without really paying attention. I can keep the sound low enough to not piss off my neighbor, loud enough to keep the quiet away, and keep me from thinking about what's going on. 

______________________________

Zeke Jarvis is a Professor of English at Eureka College. His work has appeared in Moon City Review, Posit, and KNOCK. His books include So Anyway..., In A Family Way, Lifelong Learning, and The Three of Them.